Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
