How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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