You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
