It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
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Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
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Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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