It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
