My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
