At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
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In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
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He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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