so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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