I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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