Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
