I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
