it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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