so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
it was like eating out sand paper
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
