Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
