On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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