So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
