are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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