I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
