3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
