i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
