I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
