I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
