If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
