i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
