So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
