My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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