Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
