I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
