remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
