I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
