i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
