my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
