i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
