Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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