I am in a vortex of obligation.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
