Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
i think my cat just said my name.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
