fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
