How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
