bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
