I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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