I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
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