Grow some girl-balls and come out already
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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