can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
