i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
