Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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