Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Randomize
