Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
