i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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