SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
