I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
