We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
