Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My vagina is officially offended.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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