it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
