Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
me + whiskey = a bad person
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
