Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
my poor anus
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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