Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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