my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
