I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Green mimosas i think yes
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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