he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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