I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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