I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
