Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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